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7 Major Misconceptions About Making Money In Real Estate


My Brother-In-Law Made a Killing in Real Estate – Why Can’t I?

     You’ve heard the stories about people who’ve made a bundle buying and selling real estate.  These legends involve a giant payoff with little or no upfront effort – no down payment, outrageously good financing and an instantaneous turnaround of property complete with a pot of gold. 

     Usually, these tales are told by an acquaintance or relative – but it’s not their own story, it’s about some obscure person they met.  Other times, these stories accompany a brochure asking you for money.  The fact is: making money takes effort, discipline, energy and perseverance.  The amount you make from your investments is equal to the discipline you apply to that process.  Remember - the only free lunch is the one you get in prison. 

     Real estate is an attractive investment option.  As the old saying goes, they’re not making any more of it.  But you must resist the quick fix, the one-time killing, the roll of the dice.  Yes, you can make money in the short term with a lightning bolt of timing - but in the long run, you want to make money for the long run. 

     Real estate investing is as good or bad as you make it – there are many sound opportunities that promise good returns on investment.  But look at one of our Investment Commandments:

If it looks too good to be true – it is.

     As we analyze the possibilities of real estate investing, here are The 7 Major Misconceptions About Making Money In Real Estate:

First Major Misconception: No Money Needed

     The myth that you don’t need money to invest in real estate is just that – a myth.  No matter what anyone tells you: to get money out, you have to put money in.  This is a natural law of the business world.   

Transitional Lesson #2

            I was considering the new ideas, working to comprehend more concepts of The Attitude.  The Owner offered another q&a session. 

            “Ask away,” he suggested.  

            I jumped in.  “Okay.  How do I own my feelings?  Aren’t my feelings affected by outside sources?  Aren’t there conditions that arise to make me feel a certain way?” 

            The Owner studied the idea for a moment and then said resolutely, “Simply put – no.  How I feel is up to me.  I am the one who determines how I feel about anything.  If someone dents my car in the parking lot, I might choose to be angry or concerned; I might even choose to be happy or helpful.  The action itself carries no emotional edict – it is simply an action.  How I respond to that action is up to me… and only me.” 

            The core position of the ownership attitude is, ‘I am the source.’  It is always about me. I attract to me that which occurs. Nothing occurs in my life that doesn’t serve me in some way. I may know how it serves me; I may not. But I am still being served. If this event, person, or thing wasn’t serving me, it would disappear from my life.”

            “My judgment about the event, person, or thing has no bearing on whether or not it serves me. I judge it positively, it serves me. I judge it negatively, it serves me.  When people first hear this idea, they often think, ‘All I need to do is figure out how I am being served by the things, people, and events I judge negatively and then create new strategies to constructively put that in place.’ There is some merit in this idea. There often is not. Sometimes I just don’t know how I am being served. That doesn’t negate the idea.  The key advantage of experiencing life through the ownership lens is that I am more effective. Things simply work better.” 

Listen Quicker!

Currently, business training “gurus” cling to myths which, instead of increasing efficiency, actually limit the productivity of busy executives.  These “experts” jam “soft-skill” competencies into business people along with too many “quotations” and “marks.” 

The worst of these trends is the evil practice of “active listening” – a dangerous procedure where managers are supposed to pretend they actually give a darn what is being said.  While consultants chatter about the “values of active engagement,” larger priorities and opportunities are missed: email, voice mail and surfing the net for porn.  After all, if you spend your time listening to people, you’re never going to actually get your work done. 

            Until today, the practice of listening has remained the same for centuries.  The process goes something like this: underling begins speaking; you’ve heard it all before – blah, blah, blah - other subordinates chime in with more nonsense; you try not to kill anyone.  (It’s worth noting that email was specifically invented so you could ignore these complaint sessions.) 

You don’t have to take this abuse any more. 

            Welcome to the first real breakthrough in business listening since on-hold music – Quicker Listening™.  Once you master QL™, you will increase your efficiency and effectiveness exponentially.  You can begin your new business efficiency by reviewing the general rules:





Setting:  We open on our [BLANK] Anchorman delivering the next bit of breaking news. 






Ladies, gentlemen and sales managers, we have a breaking news story.  We turn now to reporter Helen Wheels who is in the midst of a demonstration, a protest of several thousand people.  Helen, come in -






I am Helen Wheels, coming to you live from a protest outside a huge manufacturing plant in Canton, Ohio.  Several thousand facilities and production managers have gathered here to protest [BLANK] new lines of [BLANK] drives. 






                        Sir, can you tell us why you’re protesting? 




Yes!  We’re protesting [BLANK] incredible new line of [BLANK] drives.  These are the worst thing that ever happened to guys like me.




But sir – we understand that [BLANK] drives are the state-of-the-art, highest technology ever introduced. 




                        Yeah, that’s right! 




                        How is that bad for you? 




Well, before these drives were introduced, none of my drives were interfaced - completely different programs for each different machine.  It was a mess.  I was going crazy trying to patch stuff together, getting one machine to work at the same speed and efficiency as the others. 




                        That sounds terrible.




Yeah, it was.  Total chaos.  And I was busy like twelve hours out of every day.  (Sarcastic)  Now [BLANK] comes along with all their fancy simplicity and common-sense common programming and everything runs perfectly.  (Back to normal)  We’re more efficient – we’re saving money like crazy! 




                        How is that a bad thing?




(With growing desperation)  Those drives used to be about three-quarters of my entire job.  Now everyone wants me to show them how to be more efficient and save more money!  I got a promotion and a parking space and everything.  The president wants me to have lunch next week.  I’m a plain old factory manager - I’M NOT CUT OUT FOR SUCCESS!



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The State of the Hilarious

Published: Tuesday, February 8, 2005 4:25 PM EST
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Queer Eye, Dr. Phil possible additions to spruce up speech
Joe Keefe
The president's annual State of the Union address is an excellent mechanism to inform Congress and the general public of important issues facing our nation.

Unfortunately, this august gathering is also showing serious signs of decay and, along with Social Security and the Supreme Court, must be modernized to reflect the evolving nature of our society. With ironical and sincere respect, I have a few suggestions to rejuvenate this revered institution:

* Corporate sponsorship - To take steps to actually reduce the deficit - as opposed to talking about reducing it - Congress and the President should join forces to find a sponsor who will underwrite the entire project. Cynics might suggest that Halliburton is already a partner in many government projects, but I'm talking about a totally fresh approach. Cadillac is an excellent domestic automobile and fine potential sponsor. In pre-show proceedings, the president could be shown jauntily exiting a limo to that neat-o Led Zeppelin theme music.

* More applause breaks - There is nothing that screams mondo TV ratings like the sight of senior citizens breaking into countless spontaneous standing ovations. Over and over. And over. I counted no less than 30 standing or semi-standing ovations in the first hour alone. This is why so few Supreme Court justices attended the address - the administration was concerned some of the venerable justices wouldn't be able to take the cardio workout.

* More rich old white people - You can never have enough rich dedicated mature patriotic Caucasians around. And while Congress can take pride in being a cross-section of the citizens of our great nation, this mono-diversity is never more evident than when the camera pans the elected assemblage of dozens of pallid AARP poster people. It is almost possible to hear an audible sigh of relief when the TV director locates a person of color in the legislative throng; Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill. is in for several careers worth of close-ups.


* Queer Eye for Congressional Guys - Blue suits and white shirts went out with the '80s. Congress is one governmental body that is obviously aching to squeeze into something with a little more spice. Let's see some variety in the wardrobe: blazers, khakis, a nice cocktail dress or two. The fresh fashion element can be displayed on the new Red State Carpet that Congresspersons will use to enter the proceedings. Joan and Melissa Rivers will cover the catty lineup while Tim Russert anchors the celebrity commentators.

* Animated background - With great respect to Vice President Cheney and Speaker of the House Hastert, they make much better legislators than they do background for the president. They should be set free from the congressional penalty box and allowed to doodle like any of the other guests. Pixar could work up a series of animated backgrounds to underscore the many and varied important messages: firm economy, strong jobs growth, firm values, strong faith, firm strength and strong firmness.

* Dr. Phil - It's a given that every State of the Union address will alienate about half of the country. No matter which party is in power, the other side will inevitably feel abandoned or neglected. Instead of a response from the opposition party, Dr. Phil could initiate a short national therapy session ending in a warm group hug. Imagine the Doctor uniting Sen. Joe Lieberman, D-Conn. and the president - oh wait, that one won't be necessary.

I hope some of these humble suggestions may assist in the modernization of this important address. I also hope Congress will finally outlaw those bizarre standing ovations.

Joe Keefe is a political satirist and professional smart aleck. His columns run Tuesday and Thursday

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Fake NewsBreak Update


In the interest of unfairness and imbalance, we offer this Fake NewsBreak Update: 


AARP – Start Me Up


AARP has announced a new membership drive in association with The Rolling Stones’ “Live On Stage” Tour.  John Sullivan, a senior-citizen spokesman said, “The Stones are AARP members and great role models for seniors who want to stay active well into their advanced years.”  AARP worked with the Stones on planning and marketing of the mega-tour, recommending they modify the original tour title: “Vegetative State On Stage.” 


NBC – Clinging to Last Place


In a rare statistical anomaly, the NBC network – mired in a calamitous viewer decline – has actually place 7th in the ratings race amongst the 4 major broadcast networks.  When quizzed how it is possible for a network to place lower than 4th in a four-way race, television expert Andrew Josephs was perplexed, “Well, NBC has done many impossible things over the years and this is just the next of them.” 


Ditka – Miscast in Movie


Critics are lambasting Mike Ditka’s performance in the blockbuster hit, “Kicking and Screaming.”  Reid Eddingspoon, an internationally unknown movie critic offered, “Ditka is terrible playing himself – and is totally miscast in the part.  If they wanted someone to play Ditka, they should’ve gotten Burt Reynolds.  Reynolds has been playing himself for years and has much more experience at it.” 


Michael Jackson – Dangerous Allergy


Medical reports from Los Angeles County Hospital indicate that Michael Jackson has developed a life-threatening allergy to umbrellas.  Dr. Charles McInerny, noted allergist observed, “This ominous medical condition may prohibit Jackson from going outside during the day as he will burst into flame if directly exposed to sunlight.”


Pension “Infinitely” Under-funded


Two independent auditors have confirmed that several major airlines’ pensions are “infinitely” under-funded – the amount of money they don’t have exceeds the ability to measure the total.  Sven Sorghum, spokesman for the airline industry was quoted, “We intend to make up the difference as soon as we can alter the space-time continuum.”    


Goofy Lawsuit


Lawyers for Goofy, the venerable Disney animated character, have initiated legal action against the board of directors of the Disney company over their selection of Robert Iger to replace Michael Eisner as CEO.  “Iger is a competent executive,” said Goofy at a recent press conference, “but he’s much too three-dimensional.  It’s time we returned to basic Disney values like family, fun and cute talking rodents.” 


Group Hug


John Bolton, beleaguered nominee for Ambassador to the United Nations, has offered “a personal group hug” to both houses of Congress.  “I’m not a bad guy,” offered Mr. Bolton, “and I want to show it to the world.”  When he inquired whether he could buy the Senate and House “some Dominoes double crusts,” leading Democrats threatened to filibuster any pizzas other than Little Ceasar’s.


Joe Keefe is a syndicated satirist and fake news expert whose credits include National Lampoon Magazine and Second City Television.